Saturday, April 26, 2014

Life is tough, but it still goes on..

When I was six (or almost six), my brother and I we were sent far, faraway from our parents and my rabbit maomao (毛毛).. We were two happy kids when my parents decided that we needed to be happier somewhere else.. So there we were, in the super sunny island SG! Just the two of us, plus grandma who speaks only mando-canto. It was so much fun being with grandma that took care of us like a real mom. Sometimes I wished that we would never have to grow up..
The only photo of my brother, maomao and I

Growing up, we argued and fought beyond normal siblings, and at some point, grandma stopped interfering.. (... ... ...) Whenever it happened, I wished I would just disappear.
There was once when, an uncle of mine, spoke something about us to my Dad that angered him so much that he beat us up.. with his Crocodile belt, yes a belt.. Being his little innocent sister, I hid behind my brother, who ended up taking all the lashes. It was when I realised, he loved me, he's my hero, he's superman..

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When Dad was diagnosed with 3rd stage brain cancer in 2005, things started to change in our family.. We lived everyday with worries, and fear. The fear that one day, the day will come.. I was fourteen.

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On my 15th birthday, I thought my brother had forgotten all about it since he was out studying with his friends since morning. I waited for him to come back home till I fell asleep. Then I felt someone was shaking my body, waking me up. I slowly opened my eyes, it was dark, but I could see my brother sitting in front of my bed, holding something really really bright.. I sat on my bed looking confused, and he said "Happy Birthday" That moment.. I (honestly) wanted to cry. It was the best birthday I have ever had in my life, he was the best brother, ever. (FYI, the cake was from Gelare - ice cream cake)
{PS: Grandma never celebrated our birthdays, so there was only the two of us.. Most of the time, Mom and Dad would fly over for a visit and we would have a feast together as a family. However, my Dad was real sick at that time so my Mom had to stay with him in China}

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A few months later, that day has come..
I went back to Indo for a month's holiday in November, while my brother stayed in SG to complete his O's. Unfortunately, it was time for Dad had to leave.. He took his last breath right in front of me and there were only the two of us in the room, it was horrifying. Mom made me call my brother to break the news -- that Dad died. Till now, I felt so sorry for my brother cuz' he was in the midst of his O's and there were 2 more papers to go for him (which he under-performed).

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Upon graduating from high school, my brother made a life changing decision - Australia. I did not know why he choose that path, and it felt as though I will not be seeing him for a long period of time. The day he flew to Australia, I was quite upset. It was going to be me, all by myself, with my grandma that does not understand me + puberty LOL.
Photo was taken on the day my brother was set to fly to the land under..
Me Mom Brother.. Grandma hates taking a photo but she was next to me!!
Life changed when Dad passed away and to make it worst, my brother went to Australia.. I felt lonely and extremely unhappy. There were times when I would pretend to be sick so grandma would let me stay at home instead of going to school. When I went to school, all I wanted is to be at home sleeping. I was unable to listen in class or even submit my homework on time. By mid-semester, my grades fell drastically and I was in the bottom 10 of the class. I found no motivation to continue studying so I called my mom and told her I wanted to quit school. Instead of comforting me, Mom yelled at me for saying such stupid things. I was like.. whatever~ I started hanging out with the wrong crowd (stupid people that I thought they were cool), going home around midnight, isolate myself from my friends at school, skipped classes, etcetc. In that few weeks, I turned myself into a completely different person, like a monster. I made my grandma so worried that every night she would not go to bed without seeing me back home, alive. Mom was most worried about me cuz I stopped communicating with her, and I did horrible stuffs to my friends in school that we were worst than enemies. I broke down, because no one would believe what I said. When I told my grandma what had happened, all she said was "I have told you a million times to choose your friends wisely. Why won't you listen?!" She was so mad at me that we did not speak for a week, and I wished I could be somewhere else dead or alive.. Not sure if I was lucky or not, after everything that happened, I became closer to my desk mates in class and we became best friends. I was motivated to study again, and each time I felt down, they were always giving me candies, support and encouragement. At that time, I could have either dropped out of school or even failed my O's. Things could have gone either way, but it was all for the best. Anyhows, I passed my O's and it was relatively well.. Could not have expected much after studying only a month before the examinations.

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Well.. like my brother, I came to Australia to pursue my further studies. Lets say, it was all worth it. For four years, I have been studying full time (studying very seriously) and working part time.. From cooking burgers to hanging clothes and finally sitting in front of the computer.. I get to know people from all over the world.. and learnt Indonesian language!! (even though I may have a weird accent).

I am grateful for all the struggles that I have overcome. I realised how much I have grown as a person. Most importantly, thankful to my Mom, brother and family who made me to be who I am today. Thank you for always being there for me, giving me all the love and pushing me towards my dream. Saranghaee~



1 comment:

  1. Beyond *Speechless*. I love your blog!! It's so real and it pulls at my heartstrings as I've gone through similar situations. You are a strong girl Stephani and you have come so far omg:) You should be proud of yourself. <3

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